I don’t know when or why I decided not to be the type of person who uses credit cards, but I know I was young and I think it had something to do with my Grandmother.  See, I was the type of kid that grew into the type of adult who doesn’t listen to everything I’m supposed to, but certain things can stick in my head for so long that they become ingrained in me.  I can’t think of my Grandmother without thinking of her distrust for credit cards, and I can only imagine this rubbed off on me.  Whatever the exact reason the reason for making my choice was, I have now become this person who only recently used a credit card for the first time and has anxiety attacks each month in the days leading up to receiving the bill.  However, credit cards are only a symptom of a problem, which is ultimately my biggest fear, debt.

Simply put, I am philosophically opposed counting my chickens before they hatch; I am terrified of debt, which is why I am worried about Vagabond3′s world trip.  Whether or not we get sponsorships, this trip is going to cost a lot of money.  Back at the onset, I was prepared, but, after some complications lately, the money that I had counted on has dwindled down to less than half of its former glory and less than a third of what is required for the trip.  I have thought of shortening the trip or even pushing it back a few months, but neither seems to be a feasible option.  So as I look forward into the next few months I find it increasingly difficult to be excited about setting out, and am stuck facing my biggest fear.  I’ve beat fear before though, or, rather, had fear beaten out of me.

Once when I was a child, my friend’s Dad noticed that in soccer games I was afraid of being hit in the face by the ball.  His cure was to have me stand on the goal line while he and my friend kicked balls at me until I stopped flinching.  I’m not sure I ever became a better soccer player, but I lived through it and I will live through this.

Lately my life has become a  practice in seeing past my financial issues and into the bigger picture.  I will live though this, but more than that, when I come out on the other side, I will have seen and experiences so many new things that most people never have the opportunity to do.  I don’t think a price can be put on what I’m going to learn about the world or myself, unfortunately, the world has put a price on it and added 5.3% every month thereafter.  I just have to close my eyes and wait for the balls to stop.