We made a mistake – one that anyone can make. You would probably make the same mistake too…because – I mean – we rent cars all the time and clearly we still don’t totally understand the entire rental class system. 

While we’re pretty good at understanding the rental car pantheon in its extremes – it’s the middle that really jams us up. I mean, what is medium automobile?

I guess I clearly don’t know (or at least didn’t know before)…and that’s why I had skis resting on my shoulder for 5 hours through the Eastern California desert.

Our Trip

Ok – we were headed up to Mammoth from Los Angeles for Spring Skiing – our last ski trip of the season. Late snow and a 20 degree drop in temperature meant that our ’t-shirt ski trip’ was suddenly a ‘winter-gear-necessary’ trip. (Winter clothes add at least another full suitcase to the overall packing) 

Being about a 5 hour drive, we decided to rent an auto with more space than our own hatchback. We wanted to be comfortable. I mean with two sets of skis and an 8 month pregnant wife – we figured additional space was what was really going to make this trip comfy and pleasant.

Still, we’re just a family of 3 (well 3 and three-quarters) and winter storms weren’t effecting the roads. We didn’t need our typical mountain-trip 4WD. So, we clicked into uncharted territory…which always freaks me out on the internet. 

Going somewhere new on the web feels like when someone asks you to try a new fruit – it’s just suspicious. I’ve never picked this fruit at the grocery and there was a reason for that, even if I can’t define it. I never choose this fruit or this other sized rental because something about it made it unappealing, but here we went – into the assorted tropical fruits of car rental.

The Goal

All we wanted was a slightly larger car than ours.

As we compared prices, the ‘small SUV’ category peaked our interest (like a tangelo – we like tangerines (and SUVs) maybe this ‘sorta familiar thing’ would turn out to be the perfect mix). 

Besides – a small SUV made sense on paper. They are a bit more expensive than a luxury sedan – great, makes sense. An SUV means bigger, more storage…which is what the price reflected – right?

We regretted our decision the second we sat down.

We realized – small-SUV is an unnecessary line of automobile. 

Going through dealer white pages and reviews, this isn’t just our opinion – it’s clear that tiny SUVs are created only for appearance. The ideal buyer is someone who wants to look like they have an SUV, but is priced out of any and all functional SUVs. 

Or, to put it another way, small-SUVs are more fiction than function. They are ‘The Emperors New Clothes’ of cars, which is pretty unfortunate if you aren’t aware what you’re renting.

Jade and I sunk into our seats, which in turn sunk into the second row seats. (We manually adjusted forward so Augustine would be able to do more than ball up in the backseat for 5 highway hours.) Reaching out from the drivers seat and being able to touch the rear window, it was apparent even before we tried to cram in our luggage that our car (a small hatchback) had much more room in every aspect than this Ford Ecosport. 

The rental we got for space was going to make us cut back on our bags or return the car all together. Well, We couldn’t return the car, so we made do – and skis rested on my shoulder from LA to Inyo and up to Mammoth.

Can You Really Compare a Small-SUV to anything?

Up in Mammoth, I had time on my hands – I had to let my vertebrae stretch back out from being crammed into our tiny-mobile. So, more on a lark, I started looking into the specs for small SUVs. What I found was that there really isn’t a good light to shed on this category of automobile (ie there’s no retelling of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” that makes the emperor a hero.) Any-and-Every comparison to other rental options only highlights what a poor choice and needless form of car this is (because that’s really what it is – a tall car, which is – useless).

The only slightly fair class comparison is to equate Small-SUVs to medium or standard sedans. (Even this is being incredibly generous though because the amenities and – more precisely – the price-point for renting are in no way comparable. The sedan is a far smarter choice…but still…it’s the best we got unless we just want to dunk all over these tiny-Franken-autos.)

So…I’m going to compare it to a ‘Medium Sedan’ – which is listed as Mazda 3 or similar and is expected to have only 2-3 doors. (Also as of writing this, it’s $10-15 cheaper per day). Already, it seems unfair because did you ever think you’d be in a situation to compare an SUV to a 3-door car? No. Three-door-cars are notoriously compact and cramped…But, it might surprise you to know that a Mazda 3 has pretty much the same overall space as our small SUV. Sure the Mazda-3 has less headroom, but only minimally.

And this benefit, the headroom, it comes at a cost…

See – a Mazda 3 (or any Sedan) is a low profile car, while a small SUV is a high profile car. Yet, these two different styles have essentially same engine and controls. Which means, that the higher profile small-SUVs are much more susceptible to wind and inclement weather. A small SUV is actually more like a parade float – a parade float that you and I are supposed to drive at 70 mph – which is, you know, hazardous.

Honestly, you might expect the engine to be beefed up even a little to help with overall control, but as I rested the pedal all the way to the floor trying to top 65 mph while climbing up hill – it was clear that this Ecosport wasn’t going to be able to manage more than a light rain. 

(Great timing to be driving through 40 mph wind gusts that felt more like bumper cars against our high profile hot wheels car.)

The real kicker, not only did we sacrifice space, power, and handling, but gas milage is bad. The MPG still ranks closer to an SUV than a sedan – which means you’re paying more per mile than the sleek and roomy Mazda 3 that will be passing you by.

Don’t Rent a Small-SUV

The truth about mini-SUVs is best summed up by a review I found :

“The EcoSport might be Ford’s least appealing vehicle. This subcompact offers a cheaper alternative to the Bronco Sport or Escape, but its underpinnings—shared with the old Ford Fiesta—leave much to be desired.“

Sure, this review is specific to the EcoSport, but, since it’s a signature vehicle for the Small-SUV rental Class, it’s a good indication of all vehicles rented under this designation. What I mean is, you’re just as likely to get this tiny-tike as any other when you rent…and you too might get the unique rash that comes from skis rubbing against your neck for a few hours.