Traveling can be difficult.  There seem to be an endless number of cultural customs and trends to learn, and even with the most precise attention to detail, a mistake can be made.  Suddenly, something gets lost in translation and a line has been crossed.  Now, sometimes an outgoing townie will step up to help a stranded traveler, but sometimes the only help offered is a round house kick to the throat.  How can you tell the difference between a person who’s coming to talk to you to help and a person who’s coming to bust out some Kung Fu?  Honestly, you won’t know until it’s happening.  But, thanks goodness, there are a few things to be on the lookout for if you are ever in a precarious situation.

In effort to help you watch your back while traveling in distant lands, here are 10 signs you are about to be in a Kung Fu fight.

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  Are you in China, a section of New York that looks like Asia, or a part of LA that looks like New York?

• Has it recently rained? Did you just hear a glass bottle rolling down the street?

• Did you share a moment with a girl at a cafe, walking down the street, or on a bike?

• Are you in an alley?

• Does the guy taking out his garbage seem too nervous to just be “taking out the garbage”?

• Do you practice Kung Fu? YMCA? (Safe) In a basement by yourself? (You will be in a honor battle royale)

• Has the street you were walking down just turned into a dead-end?

  

• Has anyone mentioned the ‘Triads’?

• When you picked-up your date (who happens to be the hottest girl in the city), did her Grandmother give you an angry look that, now that you think about it, seemed ominous?

• Have you been overusing the adjective ominous when describing your situation?

• Does the girl, young child, or old man walking towards you have a look like ‘this isn’t going to take long’?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, be alert – you are in the danger zone.  If you answered yes to three of these, decide what’s most important to you (my preference is my face), cover it, and run.  If you answered yes to five of these, relax.  You’re about to see your life pass before your eyes, enjoy the show.

Remember, you brought this situation upon yourself.  You crossed a local custom, probably without knowing it, and the price is a bout of no-holds-bared Kung Fu, where the street rumblers don’t hold back.

Note: If you are suddenly struck by something that could only be a shadow – this just got a whole lot worse….like Ninja worse.